The Best Thing I Learned from Martha Stewart

Martha Stewart is a teacher, that's what she always says. Not an entertainer or a party planner or a crafter, but a teacher. And, let's be honest, no matter how much Martha you have let in your life, be it a little or a lot, there is something, something that you have learned from her over the years. None of us has escaped her teaching.

For me, evidence of Martha Stewart's influence can be scene in the upgraded dish soap dispenser in my kitchen and the hen-inspired paint colors in my living room. My pewter collection, a gift from my mother, in displayed Martha Stewart-style in one corner of my living room, not spread throughout the house. Look in my garden-- no red roses-- because Martha doesn't like red. So neither do I.

But the best thing Martha ever taught me was how to light a Christmas tree. One day, probably a decade ago, I saw Martha on The Today Show ( Before they cast her off post-West Virginia! Haters.) Martha did seven minutes on the proper technique for lighting a tree and I learned a lifetime skill. Light from the trunk out, she said. Make the inside of the tree glow and use lights on the outer branches for impact. Will do, Martha!

It's a no-fail technique that I've tweaked over the years. 12 sets of lights, 4 different kinds of bulbs ( Standard, Bubble, Faceted, and Stars ) to create 4 different qualities of white light on the tree. It takes me about two hours to put the lights on, but the results are worth it. Because the tree sits on our front window, it acts as both indoor and outdoor decoration for the season. Neighbors have stopped to ask how I make the tree so bright. Sometimes the lit tree looks so beautiful, we don't even want to put the ornaments on. But we always do and we're always glad we did.

( BTW-- that is not my tree in the photo-- it's Martha's-- but you get the idea!)

After completing my task on Sunday night, we all sat around the tree and admired the glow. It reminded me that I should finally say, "Thank you, Teacher Martha, for making another holiday bright."

Now it's your turn. What have you learned from Martha? Felters, I want to hear from you!!

Good Times at the H1N1 Vaccine Clinic!

What better way to spend a Sunday morning in December than standing in line with 1500 unfamiliar ( and possibly infectious) fellow Pasadenans waiting for an H1N1 shot? Sign me up for that good time! That's where Colin and I killed 2.5 hours yesterday, sitting, schlepping, standing and ultimately getting vaccinated ( At least Colin did. I am not high risk, so I abided by the "honor system" and refused the vaccine.) Almost no private doctors in our area have had access to the H1N1 vaccines ( or, as my sister Nurse Monica says everybody calls it in the hospital, "the hiney" vaccine ). The Health Department clinic was our only option.

Here was my goal: prevent Colin from ruining somebody else's vacation! He was invited by a friend to take a great trip the week before Christmas. How fun for him and how nice of the other family to include Colin in their vacation plans. I figured the least I could do was vaccinate him, so that he didn't get struck down with the flu and take everybody else on the trip down with him. ( I speak from experience; my family has a sorry history of being Typhoid Marys!) Colin agreed to the bargain, a small price to pay for sunshine and swimming.

So off we went at 8 am. We ran into friends in line, had breakfast, the boys played football and did puzzles. We filled out our forms and waited patiently, trying to ignore the rampant line-cutting being perpetrated by the family in front of us. ( More on the social scourge of line cutting on this week's Chaos Chronicles!) At 10:30, Colin walked out of the big white tent a vaccinated man.

He's good to go. And I can send him off guilt-free. He may get something, but it won't be "the hiney!"

Embracing my Chaos, Lian

Chaos Chronicles 212 with my Satellite Sister Liz Dolan

Once more into the breech... but not into the closet! I am out in the open for Chaos Chronicles 212. Just me the microphone, and not locked doors in my office/bedroom.

Click here to listen to Chaos Chronicles 212 with Liz Dolan.

On the show this week:

My sister Liz stopped by to reveal an unbelievable tale of being held hostage by her hairdresser. How could something like this happen... to Liz? Listen and then give Liz advice at the Satellite Sisters blog.

Also... I am taking my marriage from good to great. Or at least I am trying, thanks to a new book called 5 Simple Steps to take your Marriage from Good to Great by Dr. Terri Orbuch. I test out some of Dr. Orbuch's exercises... with surprising results!

Also my To Do list for the week. And a few more thoughts on Tiger.

Also, you can find my new column for makinglifebetter.com by clicking here. Cut the Chaos: Fight Mommy Brain!

Have a great weekend. And don't forget, embrace your chaos!

To Do List for Friday December 4

It's 8:32 am and already I want to go back to bed. Is it me or are the most dreaded words of motherhood, "I'll finish my homework in the morning." Arghhhh. Don't get me started.

So, here is my To Do List for Friday December 4th...

Make Sure 62 kids get in a Carpool. Did I mention that for the 4th year running I am the "Sports Coordinator" for my son's middle school class? 3 years with Brookes; now onto Colin. Sports Coordinator is really a fancy term for Car Pool Mom. 62 kids, 14 cars, a million questions that I already answered in my e-mails. Doesn't anyone read e-mails? Wish me luck.

Make Room for the tree. It's coming tomorrow, courtesy of a fund-raising effort for my son's high school. This is a little early for us to put up the tree, but why not? Our tree is coming from Hood River, Oregon. Do you think its a Duck or a Beaver?

Make Noise for Soccer. The first high school game for my son is on Saturday. He was so thrilled to put on the new uniform last night. He did a fashion show with the warm-ups and home and away jerseys. Yes, I did buy a coordinating Lands End Vest and Fleece Pull over in the school colors. We are all set for soccer season.

Make Room for Dinner. We are going to a First Birthday Party on Saturday night. Our friends, who are Chinese-American, adopted a little girl from China. She is turning one and we will be eating an 11 course sit down dinner at a great Chinese restaurant. My older son asked, "Is it all you can eat? Yes!!!"

Make Time for Julie. My sister Julie is headed to town to see my parents and do a little Christmas shopping with my mom and me. That means setting up my Russian Father Frost display, a formidable collection that I think is the finest in Southern California. The collection is a tribute to Julie's years in Moscow, as she gave me most of the carvings as gifts cause Julie loves to shop. Hopefully, we won't be too shopped out to chat. Listen for that on next week's Chaos Chronicles.

Look for a short show later today. Liz stopped by last week with a Classic Hairdresser Dilemma!! And no, I am not getting back in that closet for a while!!

Also, my latest article is up at makinglifebetter.com. Fight Mommy Brain!

What's on your To Do List?

Embracing my Chaos, Lian

MOB Alert: Gifts for Boys

Hi, Chaos Crew...

I got an e-mail yesterday asking about my gift-giving plans for my tween and teen boys. Any suggestions, the e-mailer asked, especially any that did not involve electronics.

So I thought I would open this question up to all of you-- if you been there and bought that with great success, we'd love to hear from you. Or, perhaps you were a teen boy and can give us Mothers of Boys some insight. It can be a challenge to find a gift that is appreciated, used, and doesn't involve a gaming system.

Here are a few items on my short list this year:

Bass guitar and amp. I wasn't kidding about buying my son a guitar! Watch out, Edge. My 6th grader specifically for a bass guitar. I know nothing about guitars, so any buying tips would be appreciated.

Art supplies and notebooks for budding cartoonist. Another one for my younger son. he likes drawing cartoons and comics, so I am goignot get him a real notebook and pencils. he also loves books of cartoons from Zits to The Far Side to collections form teh New Yorker, so I'll refresh his supply.

A punching bag and gloves. Its almost sounds like a joke, right? But it's not. My older son wants fitness equipment . I worked out with him one day on a bag and, Bingo! he loved it. And I loved wtaching him get out all those teen boy emotions in a healthy setting. The prefect way to get fit, blow off steam, and deflect punches from his little brother.

A flip camera. I am on the fence about this one, because having a movie camera seems fraught with danger. ( The stuff you post on Facebook can affect your college admission, I recently warned.) But my boys do like to make movies on the computer and we could use a real camera.

What's on your list this year ? Any suggestions for boys in this category? MOGs, we'll get to you tomorrow!

Lian

Tiger, Tiger, Tiger

Well, now we know Tiger's not "perfect." He has made "transgressions" and has been a "disappointment to his family. " Having said that and benefited for years from positive press, Tiger would like to work out all the mistakes "in private", away from the glare of the "tabloid scrutiny."

Maybe you should have thought of that before you texted the cocktail waitress 300 times, Tiger. (And I mean no disrespect to cocktail waitresses. I was one for two years.)

Here's the thing: I don't expect athletes to be perfect. And I don't think you do, either. Haven't we all learned the hard the way that sports will break your heart? Pick your hero, now remember their failure: the uninspired loss, the steroids, the betting, the domestic violence charge, the sexual assault charge, the back taxes, the drug use, the affairs, the dismal performance, the awful interview. Oh, Tiger,Tiger, Tiger-- we are so over perfection. Out here in Fanland, we're good with good.

That's why Tiger's statement posted today on his website is a little more than self-serving, it's insulting to those of us who have cheered for him over the years. Sports fans don't expect perfect, but I do think we have a reasonable expectation for decent. Just be decent men, that's all we ask. We want the athletes we root for to be as decent as the guys we marry. Or the firefighters down the street. Or the cadets at West Point. Show up, play hard, respect your family-- that's all we ask. Be a good guy. And cheating on your pregnant wife, or what PR people call " a transgression", is not decent. It's selfish.

And it changes our perception of you, whether you want it to or not.

One thing I truly believe about marriage, especially other people's marriages, is that you never know what goes on behind closed doors. Bargains are struck, agreements are made, compromises rendered. I would never judge those arrangements. We all know couples that have been through affairs or other troubles and somehow come out the other side to stay together. What happens now for Tiger and his wife is their business. I wish them the best.

But now we know what we know. So if the cheers are a little softer, if the TV ratings are a little lower, if we don't all rush out to buy Buicks, Tiger will have to understand. You didn't just cheat on your wife, you cheated on us a little, too.

Random Thoughts on the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame Concert

It was an epic, two-night TV event in our house: the four-hour Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame 25th Anniversary Concert. Thanks to Tivo and a light holiday homework load, we were able to gather around the TV for what amounted to a Rock n' Roll 101 survey course for the kids. Springsteen, CSN, Simon & Garfunkel, Stevie Wonder, Aretha Franklin, Metallica, Jeff Beck, U2 and nine million special guests that showed up for sing-alongs: Mick, Ozzy, Lou Reed, Patty Smith, Sting, John Legend, Will.i.am, Sweet baby James, John Fogerty, Fergie, Sam Moore, Annie Lennox, Darlene Love, Little Anthony, etc.

My husband and I, always on the look-out for a teachable moment, tried to explain the significance of the singers and musicians, what they had done, why they mattered. When my younger son howled at the nerdiness of Art Garfunkel, I shut him up with, "A million people came to see Simon and Garfunkel in Central Park. Green Day couldn't get a million people." See, nice family moments like that.

And we were doing a pretty good job until Jeff Beck showed up. And then showed up again. My Jeff Beck is a little weak. Apparently, Clapton was ill.

Here are my Random Thoughts...

No matter how old I get or how old they get, there is just something about a guy who can play the guitar. Still works for me.

Every band sounds better with a horn section.

I worry that 25 years from now, there will be no more actual musicians, just Lady Gagas.

Stephen Stills has never looked better. The same can not be said of Ozzy Osbourne.

Moments when I teared up: Bonnie Raitt singing "Love has no Pride"; Paul Simon, Graham Nash, and David Crosby signing "Here Comes the Sun"; and Bono and Bruce singing "Still Haven't Found what I'm Looking For."

My husband still holds "Lawyers in Love" against Jackson Browne. I hold Darryl Hannah against him.

Billy Joel Comeback Alert! First, with Sir Paul on Thanksgiving night, then Bruce.

My New Rock Crushes: Rage Against the Machine's Tom Morelli and the lead guy from Metallica. See Random Thought #1 about guys with guitars.

Rockers who do lots of drugs (Ozzy) do not age as well as rockers who do lots of yoga ( Sting).

Note to show producers for the 30th anniversary special: When you charge a $1000 a ticket, you end up with a crowd that has forgotten how to party like it's 1999. Too many button-down shirts, not enough Slayer t-shirts in the seats.

Stevie Wonder's songs are tiny miracles.

Men enjoy Fergie, even clueless pre-teen men who can't quite put a finger on why they like her.

Bruce Springsteen make a lot of faces when he sings; some seem unnecessary.

Lou Reed wins this year Keith Richards' "I Can't Believe He's Still Alive" Longevity Award.

Mick Jagger had no idea what the words to "Stuck in a Moment" meant. Hahaha.

Is it irony that Bruce Springsteen sang "Fortunate Son" with John Fogarty and yet he, himself is raising a "millionaire's son"? Is that the correct use of irony?

Loved seeing Darlene Love sing with Bruce. Twenty years ago when I was a young pup producer, I had the chance to work with Darlene Love. She was wonderful and warm. And a true professional. She taught me a lot about how to conduct yourself backstage. Thank you, Darlene.

When Simon & Garfunkel finished up "The Boxer", my teen-aged son said, "Wow, that's a great song." Yes, it is.

I am getting my son a guitar for Christmas. Shhh, don't tell him.


What did you think? Did you see it? Fave moments? Add your Random Thoughts here.

Embracing my Chaos, Lian